I was pretty surprised to discover, after all the adopting and adapting I made in my life and lifestyle all these years to cater for my family , suddenly I am on my own and have to lead my life. The problem is, after all the changes I made , I cannot remember how to live on my own again, how to use my time doing things for myself, I cannot even remember what I used to like. Me being on my own is due to the kids leaving home for their studies and my spouse venturing into a new business. So I have lots of time on my own. It’s an odd mixed of emotions and feelings that I experience on and off. It’s a bit like the first time as a child , we step into school, not very sure what to expect n a little worried about how everything is going to be. It may sound a little funny that a fully grown and experienced person ,could feel like this , I guess lots of people may not speak about it hence the lack of knowledge about it especially in some community. It is expected for grown ups especially veterans to go on with their life.
Yes, I do agree it is good to move on and to go on with life. But , if I am still at an age , where I am still active, physically, mentally and emotionally, That is indeed a difficult task. More so , if I have had an energetic career. It takes lots of reflection, patience and pep talk .
I restarted my life. I befriended people in my new neighbourhood, I made contacts with old friends , I joined exercise classes, I volunteered a little of my time for some NGOs, I re learnt housework, I watched lots of TV shows, I started gardening, I started blogging, I started learning how to make handicrafts and most importantly , I started to be patient and kind to myself. I was always a person with wheels on my feet, busy with my family, relatives and career. I hardly had time for leisure activities and friends. Over the years, I took it for granted that I will look into these much later in life. Finally , here I am ,smack i/right “in the much later in life phase”.
Wow! Let me tell you , it is truly an intricate soul searching process. I have keep pushing myself to overcome procrastination, apprehensiveness, boredom, loneliness, frustration, lethargy and aches. I still am going through the process of A & A ( adopting and adapting ) but there is a slight difference in my outlook and understanding compared to where I was in the beginning. I consider and accept that as a great progress. I am glad I am patient and kind to myself. I do hope others who are or will find themselves in my shoes one day ,will also be patient and kind to themselves. Life is worth it. Have faith and give yourself your best support.