My Journey 2… Understanding the Changes in my life

Today I would like to share the emotional and mental changes I went through when I retired two months ago after working for more than thirty years.Believe me , I never expected the kaleidoscope of thoughts that ran wild and directionless, through my mind .

  • I should give a little background on my working life for you to understand my thoughts : I lead a pretty hectic life as an educator for young children for over 30 years and I regularly move to different towns and get transferred to various  institutes to teach. The move was because of my husband’s nature of work.I am very good in preparing children for national exams so very often I was sent to all the low performing institutes and sometimes really interior ones. I have spent a good part my life travelling on bumpy roads and bulldozing my ways through people with stagnant thoughts and with egos as large as  mountains.I will talk more on this in a different post. So as you can see, I have let a very busy life, what more with taking care of my three kids and my husband . A few years ago , my health was effected and I realised I needed to slow down so I finally decided to put in my papers for an early retirement.

Immediately after I retired, I moved to an entirely new country with my husband as he was once again given a new assignment. My kids were in college so I was free to move with my husband. My first month was spent cleaning and setting up our new quarters. It was time consuming and pretty tiring so I did not have much time to reflect or even think.

Then came February , the first week was spent planning a visit home to visit my kids and relatives. The second week was the trip and it was a pretty good trip and I did have some incidents which could have contributed to my feelings for the following week.

The moment I returned, it hit me that I have finally retired.I had so much of time and I didn’t have my work as a shield to protect me from  the emotions and feelings which I have deep down inside me. For your knowledge , I was emotionally abused and went through a few traumatic incidents for a number of years. Frankly , I have worked on these issues and thought I had laid them to rest. But NO ….. they were still there , and they came back to my mind which was idle and worked right into my self esteem which had probably plummeted when I stopped working.

Whoever said that an idle mind is a devil’ s workshop must have gone through a retirement. It’s really odd how when we looked forward to lazing around and not doing anything can actually cause you trouble. I learned that :

# I should be gently and kind to myself as I wean myself out of my old ‘busy’ routine.

# I should not confuse my present state of not having a job with myself esteem. I respect myself and I have       contributed the best I can.

# I validate and acknowledge my hard work  and performance.

# I deserve to rest whenever I want

# I deserve to enjoy my free time anyway I like

# I must be patient with my mind and body as they recover from all the stress and weariness I have accumulated over the years.

# I am able to enjoy all the simple things that I have always wanted to do.

# All the simple things I am doing are important to me.

#It not important for others to validate whatever I am doing cause I validate it.That’s the more important.

#I will look into new possibilities and  and explore them at my pace.

Well , right now I am doing one of the simple thing I have wanted : writing a blog. Congratulations to myself. Bye for now.

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Filed under Self Empowerment, Self Awareness,

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